原文
I had been taught that I “had to” be unhappy sometimes because it is “good” or productive to be unhappy. Our culture supports this notion. Unhappiness is the mark of a “thinking, feeling” man; it is the mark of sensitivity. It is also considered by many to be the only “reasonable” and “human” response to a difficult and problematic society. The expression “happy idiot” is not just a casual comment but a suspicion that happiness and idiocy are almost identical. I adopted these beliefs and many others, never considering or testing their validity in my mind.
The more questions I asked of myself the more amazed I was to see how often I used unhappiness as a condition I promised myself if I did not get what I wanted or expected. If my lover or mate was uncaring, I’d be miserable (misery was a proof of involvement and caring). If I did not reach my goal, I’d be angry with myself for failing. To give my wanting extra importance, I made my happiness conditional on getting. If I didn’t get what I said I needed— love, money, security— then I would become unhappy. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And yet, I now know it doesn’t have to be that way. If my wife and I had been unhappy about our son, we would not have been able to help him. He would not have improved and so we would have become more unhappy. But by accepting and doing— and not judging the situation— we were able to reach an “unreachable” child. People who initially use unhappiness as a whip to push themselves can learn that happy people do not stop moving! And doing something out of happiness does not cause inactivity. On the contrary, it usually increases our mobility and effectiveness. Instead of fighting fears and running from pain, we can see what we want and can move toward it with great ease.
译文
曾经有人教育我说，有时候我“需要”郁闷。因为郁闷是“好事”，也就是有好处。我们的文化支持这种观点。郁闷是一个人有“思想、情感”的表现；是感觉敏锐的象征。还有很多人认为，郁闷是面对困难和问题成堆的社会的唯一“合理”和“人性化”的反应。所谓“傻乐呵”的说法并非只是随便一说，而是表达了一种认为乐呵基本等于傻的倾向。和其他许多观点一道，我接受了这种观点，从不考虑或怀疑它是否正确。
我问自己的问题越多，就越惊奇地发现，我完全把郁闷当成了我在要求无法满足时应有的态度。假如我的爱人或同伴对我满不在乎，我就会非常忧郁（以表明我的牵挂和在意）。如果我不能达到目的，我就会对自己的失败感到愤怒。为了使我的所求显得更重要，我将快乐建立在得到满足的基础上。而假如我没能得到我说过要得到的东西——爱情、金钱、安全感——我就闷闷不乐。这成了不变的规律。
然而，我现在知道完全可以不这样。要是那时我和妻子都对我们的儿子一味郁闷，那我们就很难帮助他；他也就难以进步，反过来又会使我们更加郁闷。而接受现实并采取行动——不怨天尤人——我们就能管好不服管的孩子。那些一开始就拿郁闷鞭策自己的人们要知道，快乐的人才不会停歇！乐而为之就能乐此不疲。不仅如此，反而还能使我们更有活力，更高效。与其和恐惧较劲，逃避痛苦，不如正视现实，从容争取我们的所求。